cum ti-am zis si intr-un mesaj pe care ti l-am lasat sapt trecuta:
- personajele sunt doar schitate, dar cred ca asta se intampla cand nu le lasi sa vorbeasca, sa actioneze, sa simta; tu incerci sa pui pe tava niste sentimente/senzatii prin absenta lor.
- frazele sunt "goale" - there's nothing in them, they are not chatchy, not funny, just plain description, actually are registered facts. mi se pare ca ai scris asta doar asa ca sa scrii ceva, am avut sentimentul ca e una din compunerile obligatorii pe care trebuia sa le facem pt ora de romana din generala. i know u are on drugs, but butterfly is better.
-am recitit lucia si incerc sa ma gandesc ce anume m-ar face sa citesc in continuare...aaa, nu prea stiu, sincer...mi se pare ca e doar schita a ceea ce vei scrie de fapt.
imediat ce am terminat cu lucia am citit primele pagini din poveste colegei tale...unexpectedly good! ok, sunt 2 stiluri (si clar 2 tipuri de persoane behind the 2 stories) dif, but still her story is much more lively, realistic...simti ca te va duce undeva peste cele 50, 100, ...1000 pages! si asta pt ca face ceea ce ziceai tu ca faci cu personajele, le lasi sa evolueze singure, set them free. nu seamana nici macar cu "amintiri din copilarie" ce ai scris tu,nu promite nici sa fie un bilgdungsroman. ai luat niste notite din niste amintiri care acum sunt mai mult sau mai putin vagi, like flashbacks.
- so, to sum it up...it's not enough what u wrote till now. e doar una scaletta!
p.s: sper ca nu am fost too mean...u asked for it anyway...i've got a clear conscience:) u can do better:D
Subject: Lucia review 
Tue Jul 31, 2007 12:17 am
That's how I feel about it too. Butterfly is much better because I wrote it after 2 weeks since my last shot had passed. According to the shrink there shouldn't be any traces of the drugs left in me after 2 weeks. There is plenty left, I can tell, but not as bad as during the treatment. It scares me that I'll only be able to work one week out of 3, but I'm hoping this isn't permanent. If Alex can get through to that psychologist so that she can recommend me a good psychologist I could switch drugs for conversation, and tell my shrink my way of thinking has changed so much i don't need the bloody shots anymore. Alex, if you're out there... help!
